What is Pathological Love and Who is Affected?

Love is such an important part of life!

Our love for our family, friends, spouse, and children provide us with motivation to grow, change, and improve, and it’s what drives us to grow as human beings.

Love has also been proven scientifically to have a lot of health benefits [1]: higher life expectancy, better heart health, lower depression rates, better immunity to disease, lower anxiety and stress levels, better gut health, improved sleep, and the list goes on.

But sometimes love—especially the “wrong” kind of love—can be a dangerous thing. One type of love in particular, pathological love, can lead you down a dark road to addiction and obsessive behavior.

In this post, we’re going to take a deep dive into pathological love, examining what it is, who it is most likely to affect, how to recognize its symptoms, and how it affects those who suffer from it. We’ll also look at what can be done about it and how to break the “love addiction”.

By the end of this post, you’ll have a much clearer idea of what pathological love is and know how to spot the warning signs.

What is Pathological Love?

According to the scientists who have dedicated a great deal of time to studying it, pathological love—also known as “love addiction”—can be defined as [2]:

“A pattern of behavior characterized by a maladaptive, pervasive and excessive interest towards one or more romantic partners, resulting in lack of control, the renounce of other interests and behaviors, and other negative consequences.”

Pathological love shares certain behavioral components with borderline personality disorder and dependent personality disorder.

However, what’s unique to pathological love is that the dysfunctional behavior is limited exclusively to romantic love, while the other two conditions involve a broader range of dysfunctional behavior.

Causes of Pathological Love

Research into pathological love is still in its infancy, so there is a great deal about this condition that isn’t known. Including a concrete cause of what causes it.

However, experts [3] believe that unhealthy childhood attachments may play a strong role in the formation of love addiction.

Children need strong emotional bonds in order to develop into psychologically healthy adults. However, if they learn maladaptive attachment behaviors during their childhood, they may eventually repeat those behaviors later in life. Their feelings of self-esteem, love, and acceptance that are affected during their childhood can continue on into adulthood, leading to love addiction.

Things that can cause these maladaptive attachment behaviors may include:

• A co-dependent relationship between parents and children;
• Physical abuse;
• Emotional abuse;
• Physical or emotional abandonment;
• Parents demanding autonomy of the children at a young age (which can often feel like emotional abandonment);
• Children being taught to seek validation, love, and a sense of fulfillment from external sources, rather than being encouraged to develop their feelings of self worth and value;
• Children who have no “healthy” relationships with parents or parental figures.

Only a handful of studies have been done into the causes and elements of pathological love relationships, and further research is still very much needed to determine more causes.

However, one study from 2007 verified that “low self-esteem, feelings of anger and affectionate deprivation, and emotional distress can be important psychological factors” related to pathological love.

The fact that low self-esteem and emotional distress can both stem from childhood issues (such as neglect or abuse) adds extra emphasis on how critical healthy childhood connections are to the formation of healthy adult love.

Is Pathological Love Recognized in Psychology?

Unlike borderline personality disorder or dependent personality disorder, pathological love has no formal diagnosis in the DSM (even the DSM-V-TR published most recently in 2022) [4]. It is often conflated with or mistaken for these other two conditions due to the similarities between them.

However, research has begun to uncover more evidence that may lead to pathological love being formally diagnosed and recognized as a medical condition.

Signs of Pathological Love

The signs of pathological love can often be mistaken for other conditions, such as mood disorders or personality disorders.

However, there are a few signs that will point specifically to pathological love, that is to say addiction in romantic love.

Experts [5] have stated that, “people with love addiction experience mood states (e.g., hypomania and elation) similar to those who are falling in love or are in the early stages of intense romantic love.”

There are also similarities with obsessive-compulsive tendencies—“those with love addiction might experience repetitive and intrusive thoughts”, though the obsessive tendencies will be entirely focused on romantic love and intimacy to the exclusion of all else.

Also, “in some individuals, high impulsivity and reward-seeking behavior would co-occur with high levels of attachment behavior, resulting in obsessive or dependent kind of love; in others, high reward-seeking and impulsivity would co-occur with attachment deficits, resulting in high sexual interest and having multiple sex partners.”

Other signs that might point to a love addiction include a pathological need to be in a relationship or feel love, feeling desperate or alone when not in a relationship, and replacing ended relationships immediately.

Essentially, acting in the same way any other “addict” would (hence its name, “love addiction”), with a compulsion to repeat the addictive behavior continually.

Similarities to Other Disorders

The behavior of those suffering from love addiction is common to a wide range of mental health disorders, including borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety, OCD, and impulse-control disorders.

The similarities they share are the following:

• Intense emotions, leading to strong attachments and heightened fears of rejection or abandonment, are common with BPD as well as pathological love.
• A strong need for admiration and love, which is common with pathological love, is also a sign of narcissistic personality disorder.
• Strong emotional displays and outbursts are common to pathological love and histrionic personality disorder.
• Mood swings and intense emotions experienced by those suffering from pathological love are similar to those linked to bipolar disorder.
• Being anxious and experiencing feelings of emptiness and low self-esteem are common with depression and anxiety as well as pathological love.
• A lack of impulse control and obsessive behaviors are both signs of OCD and impulse control disorders.

Or else said: pathological love is not simply a love style. It may reflect underlying sadness or trauma, and without proper support, the emotional toll can become worse.

How Pathological Love Affects Your Health

Brain scans taken of people who suffered from “love addiction” showed similar effects to other forms of addiction. Specifically, the regions that were responsible for the release of dopamine were activated by both love and drug addiction in equal measure.

The problem is, when something triggers the release of dopamine, it can create a “feel-good” sensation that can almost be like a “high”. In certain people, this may actually create negative conditioning wherein they are encouraged to pursue that high.

With drug addicts, it would be trying stronger and more varied types of drugs to recreate the high. With alcoholics, it might be drinking more and more. With love addicts, it is constantly seeking the high of romantic love, either with the same partner or with ever-changing partners.

Dopamine Response and Addiction Mechanisms

To understand how pathological love affects the brain, you need to understand the mechanisms by which addiction affects your brain.

Your brain has a “reward system” that teaches you what to do to bring pleasure, and what not to do in order to avoid pain. “Good” behaviors, such as eating food to sustain your strength, triggers these neural pathways and causes your brain to produce the neurochemical dopamine.

Dopamine creates a sensation our brains translate as satisfaction or pleasure, and that reward encourages you to repeat that behavior again in the future.

Addiction develops as a result of this dopamine response. Certain substances—alcohol, drugs, nicotine, or in this case, love—cause an outsized or exaggerated response in the brain. This surge produces far more dopamine than normal, reinforcing the behavior by creating an intensified sense of pleasure.

Your brain remembers what caused this surge, and you end up craving more of it in order to get more of that rewarding pleasure response. However, over time, the brain becomes more resistant to substances that are frequently used, meaning you’ll never get that “high” you experienced the first time. You’ll keep trying for more and more of what got you addicted, but it will never measure up.

This cycle of pursuit and disappointment is why so many people in the world keep escalating to more powerful substances. They do so in order to experience the initial “high” with its massive surge of pleasure.

With love addiction, it’s affection and love that trigger the surge of dopamine. People become addicted to chasing those feelings and fixate on love as the source of their brain’s “reward”. The result is love addiction, which can be as powerful as any substance abuse addiction in its own way.

Who is Most Likely to Be Affected?

It’s estimated [6] that anywhere from 3 to 10% of the U.S. population is afflicted by pathological love.

However, in college students specifically, that estimate can be as high as 25%. This is due to the combination of intense emotions and feelings and a lack of understanding of how to process those emotions and feelings.

Add in the weight of discovering your identity and attempting to manage attachments with parents (especially parents who might have been abusive or neglectful), and it’s no surprise that younger people are likely to be emotionally confused and overwhelmed by love.

While no studies have been conducted into which race is more prone to love addiction, research suggests that people from low socioeconomic conditions may be at greater risk. The combination of limited access to mental health care, higher financial stress, and lack of resources can lead to higher rates of emotional dependency, which can turn to pathological love over time.

Treatment Options for Pathological Love

There are a number of means of treating and managing pathological love, much the same as you might treat any other drug, alcohol, or sexual addiction.

Self-help Groups and Therapy

Self-help groups and recovery groups (similar to NA for drug addicts and AA for alcoholics) can help you to regain control of your life and manage the addiction.

Books like Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood have also become popular literature for those who are battling love addiction. These books can provide insight into the underlying causes behind the addiction and help sufferers recognize the symptoms that could send them down a dangerous path.

Psychodrama group therapy has also been shown to be effective, particularly at helping sufferers to develop and maintain healthy relationships.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Psychodynamic Therapy

Cognitive behavioral therapy helps identify and challenge distorted beliefs about romantic love, especially those shaped by childhood trauma or past experiences. It supports reframing these thoughts, which can reduce symptom intensity and promote healthier patterns.

Psychodynamic therapy helps you to address attachment or relationship difficulties you may have, leading you to form healthier, more balanced relationships.

Early [7] research suggests that mood stabilizers, antidepressants, and other pharmacological treatments may prove useful, similar to how they help to manage similar disorders (like OCD or mood disorders). Specifically, they may help to manage the mood instability and obsessive thoughts common with pathological love.

Possible Use of Medications

Because pathological love and love addiction aren’t a formal diagnosis or recognized in the latest Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, there have been no medications researched to treat it specifically.

However, medications are available to treat certain aspects of the condition, including:

• Anxiety: Anti-anxiety medications may be used to reduce intense emotions and fear of rejection.
• Impulsivity: Mood stabilizers and antipsychotics may be used to reduce impulsive or obsessive behavior.
• Depression: Antidepressants can combat mood swings, feelings of worthlessness, and low self-esteem.

However, these medications will only treat the symptoms or side effects of pathological love, not address the underlying cause.

Conclusion: Breaking Free from Pathological Love

For those who are struggling with a series of unsuccessful and unhealthy relationships, or who seem forever compelled to seek out love, you may be one of the small percentage of people affected by pathological love.

The information shared above is a starting point, a reference to help you understand what might be the root cause behind the “love addiction” you might be feeling.

If what you learned leads you to suspect you might be experiencing the addiction-like symptoms of pathological love, it’s recommended you talk to a therapist or psychologist for a concrete diagnosis and possible treatment plan.

Love addiction doesn’t have to ruin your life or romantic relationships. It can be managed and treated, and you can have a healthy, happy, love-filled life.

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Frequently Asked Questions

What is emophilia?

Emophilia is a tendency to quickly and easily fall in love, often over and over again. It’s also called “emotional promiscuity” [7]. People high in emophilia are similar to the love-addicted, in that they crave the rush and excitement of falling in love, which triggers the brain’s reward system. They can be hasty and impulsive (similar to love addiction), and are more prone to wind up in toxic relationships with people with dark personality traits (narcissism, psychopathy, Machiavellianism, etc.).

What does unhealthy love feel like?

Unhealthy love can be compared to a rollercoaster. You experience drastic swings between the highs and lows, intense emotions, and excitement that borders on the extreme. There is also the craving for that sort of love, which can lead to feelings of low self-esteem, low self-worth, and heightened anxiety and fear of rejection.

What is a pathological infatuation?

A pathological infatuation is a pattern of unhealthy behaviors focused on a romantic partner to an extreme degree. The feelings will typically be intense, to the point of being obsessive. A compulsive need for secure attachment can cause people to rush into relationships and connections, which can lead to unhealthy relationship dynamics.

Resources

Pathological love: is it a new psychiatric disorder?

All About ‘Love Addiction’: Signs, Causes, and Treatment

Pathological Love: Impulsivity, Personality, and Romantic Relationship

Pathological jealousy and pathological love: Apples to apples or apples to oranges?

How an Addicted Brain Works

Love Addiction Statistics