How Parents’ Stress Affects Children

Parents often go through great lengths to protect their children from all external forms of harm, injury and abuse. But one silent threat always goes unnoticed, and this is their own stress.

As an adult, the demands of modern life are endless. Sometimes it is difficult to juggle tasks between work and home, resulting in chronic stress and anxiety. But stress doesn’t just affect you as a parent; it affects your children as well, causing a lot of child behaviour problems and mental health issues in children. Children mirror their parents’ emotional and psychological health, so a stressed parent stresses their child.

In this article, we will discuss the transactional relationship between parental stress and children’s development. We will also look at how early parenting stress affects your child’s mental health development and how to manage this stress.

The Hidden Impact of Parental Stress: The Studies 

A recent systematic review aimed to answer the question: Is there a relationship between parental stress and emotional/behavioural problems in children? The conclusion of the study revealed that parental stress could be attributed to a variety of mental health problems in infants, children and adolescents.

Further research also revealed a two-way dynamic in which children’s behaviour stressed their parents. In this study, different clinical groups were assessed using the Strengths and Difficulties Questionnaire (SDQ) and parent-reported measures to assess stress levels. Findings showed that parents who had children with special needs often experienced stress related to their children’s conditions. Depression and anxiety were identified as key outcome variables in the children.

The bond between a parent and the child is undeniable, strong and intertwined, particularly during pregnancy, infancy and early childhood. Studies show that approximately 13% of children in the U.S live in households where at least one parent experiences a high level of stress. While stress may feel pretty normal to an adult, the effect on the child is different. From cognitive developmental delays to behavioural and emotional problems, the child’s health is at risk when the parent is stressed.

Without realising it, you may be causing your child to withdraw from other children, become dull, and be easily triggered. Depending on the child’s age, stressor type and stress management technique, children respond differently to parental stress, but it is well established that there is a significant relationship between parenting stress and child behaviour.

Stress response in older children may result in narcissistic and defensive behaviours, including bullying and anger issues. Previous research has shown a correlation between maternal depressive symptoms and children’s involvement in bullying.

Stress in Pregnancy and Fetal Development

Several studies have been conducted into the ways stress can affect children even during the prenatal stages, and the results will shock you.

A study published in 2008 found that prenatal exposure to environmental stress can significantly increase the risk of Autism Spectrum Disorder, as well as other problems, such as depression and schizophrenia.

As the study states, “prenatal stress can produce both (a) abnormal postnatal behaviors that resemble the defining symptoms of AD, and (b) other abnormalities that have elevated rates in AD, such as learning deficits, seizure disorders, perinatal complications, immunologic and neuroinflammatory anomalies, and low postnatal tolerance for stress.” 

Stress during childbirth may have serious long-term negative effects on the child. The science behind it is simple: when a pregnant woman is stressed, her body releases a stress hormone called cortisol. High cortisol levels in the mother’s body can cause the child’s brain to develop an adaptive response to the stress-triggered hormone. This increases the risk of Autism Disorder and ADHD, among other conditions.

Prenatal and early parenting stress could be a result of socio-economic factors like poverty, work-life imbalance, social pressure and lack of support. The health of a pregnant woman has a significant association with fetal development.

Parental Stress During Early Childhood 

Even after the child is born, parental stress can put the infant, toddler, or child’s health at risk. Children aged 0-5 need all the love and attention they can get, as this stage of life is the most important for them.

According to the CDC, under-5 mortality went up by 3% in 2021, and the leading causes are preterm birth and complications. A stressed parent lacks the emotional bandwidth to care for an infant or toddler, and this has a serious effect on the child’s well-being.

This study found that children whose parents are significantly stressed during the earliest years of their lives are affected on a genetic level. The genes involved in neurological development and insulin production were altered, leading to negative changes well into their teenage years. This is because stress is believed to cause “epigenetic” changes, which means genes get turned on/off according to their environment.

An animal study showed that mother rats with lower stress levels took better care of their pups (grooming and cleaning them). This, in turn, led to better development among the rat pups, who turned out to be more exploratory and calmer than rats whose mothers experienced high levels of stress and therefore took less care of them.

How Parental Stress Shapes a Child’s Mental Health 

Apart from the physical reactions of parental stress, there is an established child psychopathological effect of stress.

Parental stress initiates some psychological and biological responses in children that significantly alter mental health development. Chronic maternal stress causes a reduced sensitivity and care towards the child. The child’s brain interprets this as neglect, and their sense of safety and emotional security is threatened.

The result of this is an insecure attachment style, such as avoidant, anxious, or disorganised attachment. Early attachment disruptions lead to internalising disorders like anxiety and depression, or externalising behaviours such as aggression and defiance.

Neurobiologically, chronic stress activates the child’s hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA)axis, leading to elevated cortisol levels that can disrupt brain development.

Over time, emotional and behavioural regulation is affected, and the child internalises the stressful environment through learned behaviours and emotional modelling. If stress continues, the child develops negative feelings such as mood disorders, attention problems, and poor self-esteem.

Without early intervention or social support, the child grows up with dysfunctional coping mechanisms and impaired mental and emotional health.

Physical and Psychological Effects of Stress on Children

According to Unicef, stress in children can be triggered by many adverse childhood experiences, including tensions at home such as domestic abuse, separation of parents or the death of a loved one.

The effect of stress in children is both physical and psychological. The problem is that children may not always have the language to express their distress, but the effect of increased parental stress on child development is usually long-lasting.

Some of the psychological effects result in increased heart rate, blood pressure and overall use of oxygen.

Experts have categorised the psychological response of children to stress into three categories: positive, tolerable and toxic responses.

• Positive Stress: This is a normal stress that is necessary for the child’s health. It involves a brief and mild increase in heart rate and cortisol. Events like meeting new people or starting school can trigger this type of stress. But with adequate parental support and reassurance, the child can easily navigate this stressful event, giving a positive response.
• Tolerable Stress: This is a type of stress from a more significant and long-lasting event, such as an accident or a parent’s divorce. In tolerable stress, once the problem is removed and parent-child relationship is healthily maintained, the child recovers from the event. Parenting behaviour is very important for stress reduction in children.
• Toxic Stress: Stress hormones are activated for such a long time that the body finds it hard to recover. Events like abuse, toxic parenting practices, parents’ substance use, and neglect often result in toxic stress and a corresponding stress response. In this type of stress response, there is a lack of caregiver support and reassurance, so the child remains in a fight-or-flight response mode.

Some physical and psychological signs of stress in children include the following:

• Emotional dysregulation;
• Increased risk of anxiety and childhood depression;
• Increased cognitive delay and developmental delays;
• Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD);
• Low self-esteem and identity issues;
• Sleep and appetite disruptions;
• Increased sensitivity to future stress and toxic situations;
• Intellectual disabilities;
• Poor physical health.

Psychological science shows that when children receive the right support and care, the body releases oxytocin, which naturally reduces stress. Stress is one of the major contributors to a child’s behavioural problems and has a negative impact on everyday life.

Steps Parents Can Take to Manage Stress and Protect Their Children

Of course, it’s easier said than done to “manage stress” or “control anxiety”. You’ve probably been wrestling with it for your entire adult life. It often feels like the stressors will never be eliminated, and there will always be some source of anxiety around.

The first step is to get help. Talk with a counsellor, therapist, or psychologist who can help you identify the greatest causes behind your stress and anxiety. Don’t see it as “needing help because you’re defective”—that’s not at all the case! You’re simply seeking advice from an expert who understands the way the human brain works and is a guide to help you identify the stress triggers and the source of your anxieties.

You can also take steps to combat stress and anxiety at home, too. Use meditation techniques to help you corral your worried thoughts when you feel like you’re spinning out.

Practice mindfulness when you feel stressed, and let the soothing comfort of guided meditations—like those we offer on Zonia—calm your mind.

Participating in parenting programs can help reduce stress by connecting you with other parents. This support is especially valuable for those raising children with special needs, where the demands of care can be overwhelming and create a cycle of ongoing stress between parent and child.

As you learn to manage your stress and anxiety, you’ll model that behaviour to your children, and their stress and anxiety levels will decrease along with yours. As a parent, taking care of your mental and emotional health is one of the best things you can do to shield your children from this particular danger and show them the right way to handle what they, too, will one day have to deal with.

Modelling Healthy Stress Management for Children 

It is a fact that children copy their parents’ emotional, behavioural and social responses. Stress management for children must start with the parents. It is important to know that modelling healthy stress management for children is not about telling the child how to manage stress.

Research shows that children in the toddler and middle childhood stages do not yet have the cognitive maturity to fully understand abstract concepts like stress, long-term consequences, or complex self-regulation strategies. So yes, simply telling them to “cope with stress” or “stop being upset” is often ineffective.

Here are some healthy stress management techniques for children:

• Demonstrate healthy stress management: Children may not be able to fully understand what is wrong, but they sense your mood, they understand deep sighs and raised voices. Even from the womb, studies show that fetuses experience increased heart rates, motor activity and altered brain development. So the first stress management model is for you to manage your stress and reduce stressors as a parent or caregiver.
• Encourage emotional expression and validation: your child must understand that it is ok to feel certain ways. Don’t write off or shut down their emotional expressions, no matter how little the matter may be. Validate their feelings and help them label their emotions. Emotional literacy is the bedrock of stress management in adults and children.
• Promote social support and connection: Believe it or not, activities like playing in the park with other children or connecting with other families are prosocial behaviours that help children manage stress. Parents often make the mistake of overprotecting children to protect them from getting hurt. But each social interaction is a building block for emotional stamina.
• Develop problem-solving and creative outlets: teach children how to break down their stressors into manageable steps. For instance, the child doesn’t need to understand that they are expected to go to school every day. Just encourage them to go to school today and let tomorrow take care of itself, until it becomes an unconscious routine. Allow them to draw, paint and indulge in whatever creative outlet they need.

Other ways to stress management techniques in children include reducing the parents’ level of stress, breathing and mindfulness activities for teens and children, limiting screen time and exposure to stressors and triggers.

When children experience stress without the required support, the repercussions are usually detrimental and long-lasting. Future research needs to focus on how to buffer the effect of parental stress on children and how parents can better manage their stressors or create a stress-free environment for children.

Managing stress as a parent is one of the most important investments you can make in your family’s wellbeing. While daily practices and support systems are key, sometimes your body also needs a little extra help to truly unwind and reset.

If you need further help, you should try magnesium supplementation. Restore Sleep magnesium formula contains the 7 most powerful forms of magnesium that support optimal brain function, help achieve deep restorative sleep and promote total body relaxation. 

Click here to learn more about Restore Sleep and how it can change your life for the better through providing your body with the best magnesium complex to improve your brain function, sleep quality and relaxation response.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is depleted mother syndrome?

Depleted mother syndrome (DMS) is also known as Mom Burnout, refers to intense physical, emotional and mental burnout experienced by mothers due to a lack of support and the demands of motherhood. This exhaustion often leaves mothers feeling drained, overwhelmed and irritable.

Can kids sense when you’re stressed?

Yes! Kids can sense stress in the tone of voice, body language, mood changes, and even subtle shifts in routine, which can affect their own emotional well-being and behaviour.

What does toxic stress do to a child?

Toxic stress can disrupt brain development, weaken the immune system, and increase the risk of learning difficulties, anxiety, depression, and chronic health problems later in life.

References

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2. Coping with stress as a parent and how it affects kids
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7. The Associations of Child’s Clinical Conditions and Behavioral Problems with Parenting Stress among Families of Preschool-Aged Children: 2018–2019 National Survey of Child Health
8. Infant Mortality in the United States, 2022: Data From the Period Linked Birth/Infant Death File
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18. How to help children and teens manage their stress
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21. Parental Support and Adolescents’ Coping with Academic Stressors: A Longitudinal Study of Parents’ Influence Beyond Academic Pressure and Achievement
22. Impact of Maternal Stress, Depression & Anxiety on Fetal Neurobehavioral Development
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24. Parental Burnout: When Exhausted Mothers Open Up